Why does grief and loss happen?

Throughout our lives we work hard, we struggle. When we were kids, we were amazed by life and happy without needing a reason. Where did all that go? Grief or loss happens, and it shakes us up, but what may seem tragic, is actually an opportunity.

In life we are programmed by our parents and society, and we lose the sense who we really are. Somehow we cope, by suppressing those feelings which were too strong to bear or were not safe to express. If we decide to put in the hard work and dedication we might reach our goals, and achieve success. What is success anyway? Getting married and having a family? Having a top position within the company you have been working for during the past 20 years? Travelling to a particular destination? Having a house?

We do get there and work for more until life shakes you up. It takes away something which gave you your sense of security.

It could be the job you worked so hard for, your marriage, or the death of a loved one. For me, it was my marriage, which had gotten so bad, that I had to leave. I had to move in with my parents and then with a friend. Plus, at 41, I had to face the fact that my dream of having children will never come true.

Fast forward 3 years, I have a debt free home, travelled to the other side of the world, became a dive master, I make new genuine friends easily, and am a happily single mum of a baby boy.

This is not just me, and the best opportunity to turn your life around comes round when this grief or loss happens.

Grief and Loss is an opportunity

Grief and Loss shakes you out of your false sense of security into the unknown, which might look scary at first but when you face your fears and dive deep into the unknown, you feel an immense sense of freedom, where anything is possible.

This freedom comes through the unknown because you have so much lost touch of who you really are that the unknown is the gateway to find your true self again, to finally return home.

I must warn you though: this journey does come round with a lot of pain, because we do need to go through pain in order to grow. Why is this? Two reasons.

First of all, the pain is actually the suppressed pain from childhood which, once given a safe outlet, it surfaces for healing.

Of course the bigger the trauma experienced during childhood, the more the time needed for this pain to be released. This is why it is so important for the pain to be released in a safe and gentle way. Second, as rightly put by teacher Leonard Jacobson, our story, or what he refers to as “The Dream” needs to be painful for us to wake up out of it. In fact, he stresses, Eckhart Tolle awakened because his dream had become so painful that he wanted out.

Pain is a gateway to freedom

First of all, it is important that we get in touch with our bodies.

I have worked with so many people who have escaped their pain by living entirely inside their heads, or succumb to cravings and substance abuse. The good news is that it is much easier than we may think. Simply putting our hands on our heart and taking three deep breaths, 6 seconds per in breath and 6 seconds per out breath, gets us in a state of heart coherence within seconds. Try it now.

In these moments, if pain arises, sit with it, see what it is trying to tell you, shake, scream, cry. Resisting the pain might make it ok for a while until it resurfaces again, even stronger and more intense than before, until we decide to listen and heal. If thoughts come up in these moments, allow them to be there, without judgement. Being fully present with our pain allows it to release in a deeper and faster way, and research shows that it can take as little as 20 minutes. You may decide to work with a professional to release the pain while being safely held, guided and supported.

Next, since we are feeling pain in our body resulting from suppressed emotions, we need to find a way to release this pain through the body.

The memory of a traumatic event is coupled with the bodily sensations, and the five senses. The body remembers very well. Research shows that the body remembers, right back from the time it is growing in the womb.

The power of Energy Psychology

This is where Energy Psychology comes in. Energy Psychology consists of an array of energy techniques, with the most popular one being Emotional Freedom Techniques, or EFT. EFT couples Western Psychology, or talk therapy, with Eastern Energy Psychology, where a person taps on certain acupressure points in the body while recalling a traumatic event about the past, or stress or anxiety about the future. You may download the acupressure point chart here – EFT on a Page.

Find out how I helped a person to release the pain of the grief of the loss of his father during a workshop I held in Struga last year here and many other case studies here.

EFT focuses on the negative because it bit by bit releases the programming we were conditioned with, leaving behind our true selves. From this place, we move from being a victim to being a creator of our lives.

Take action today

I remember spending time with my nephew and niece just after my loss and seeing them happy and running about, for no reason. If something didn’t go according to plan, they would quickly improvise. That was my aha moment – we don’t need a reason to be happy, we just are naturally free happy beings.

So, release your pain today and rebuild the life you truly desire. Just by taking one action per day, you are getting closer to where you want to be. It could be 20 minutes of self care, joining a dance class, taking that trip, calling a friend. Feel grateful for each and every simple little thing, even for the fact that you got out of bed this morning. Take that step to be the best YOU and live the life you are born to live.

If you need help, I am a certified practitioner in energy psychology. Book your free consultation here and while there, grab your free ebook “The Relationship Breakup Survivors guide – From breakup to growth in 5 steps”. Take this opportunity to transform your grief and loss.

I would love to hear from you. Feel free to leave your comments below and let’s keep in touch!