August 2005. I get married, my new husband and I have dreams, like everybody else. Dreams of love, dreams of growing our family.
September 2006. We move to Belgium for a job with the EU, I am on birth control, decide to wait to have children because I am still on probation.
December 2007. We have a dream holiday in Australia, decide to start ‘trying’ afterwards. Little did we know what was coming during the years to come.
January 2008 to February 2016. Trying month, after month, after month, for 8 years, and we did not get pregnant, not even once. Passed all possible tests, blood, lapyroscopy, took all possible supplements and fertility stimulators, with no success. And yet, we kept on trying, until it reached the point where nothing else mattered. And month, after month, after month, I get my period…and I crash down.
November 2014. I graduate from a Masters in Entrepreneurship, and I can’t understand why I am feeling as miserable as ever. To make matters worse, I get nudged awake during the middle of each night by some strange force, my husband is not there. A colleague gives me a link to a webinar on the mind-belly connection, whereby various forms of energy healing are presented. I get hooked, I want to find out more, I am starting to awaken, I start hypnotherapy.
July 2015 to September 2016. First leg of my journey with my coach. Healing my past, gaining perspective, freeing myself, understanding who I am and what I want.
June 2017. My marriage officially ends, my husband and I overcome the challenges, the pain and the grief, we part peacefully, wishing each other well.
January 2017 to date. Second leg of my journey, feeling lighter and happier, life flows easier, I build deep and meaningful relationships.
What about infertility? I thought I had overcome it, I am grateful for the children I have in my life, 2 nephews and a niece, and my friend’s girls. I realise that children do not need to shoot through me for me to enjoy them, and this feeling sets me free. Infertility was painful, but it was the infertility itself which set me on my journey. This was it for me, for you, it must have been something else.
Today. A person unintentionally tells me, during a conversation, “You don’t have children do you?” And I get triggered. In a second I feel awful, I feel less than, I feel withdrawn.
What just happened? For those of you who are not aware about what getting triggered means, it is when your natural state is happy and light, but something happens which triggers an emotional wound which has not yet been healed. It feels like your whole world comes crashing down, and the reminder came that I am alone, and have failed. Is it my fault? Could I have done something to prevent this? Maybe I am not nice enough, maybe I am not open enough? Probably not.
The truth is that nobody of us is, as I used to see myself as a child, a wonder woman, nobody is super man, nobody is above, or below, anyone, and nobody has all the answers. We need to stop resisting, and start going with the flow of life. This means ACCEPTING what is, without judgement, doing less and being more. We don’t need to try so hard to get somewhere, because if we do, we miss half the fun of getting there. Let us accept ourselves and others, without judgement, without the need to be perfect, let us relax a little and be. Let us relax our shoulders and BREATHE. That’s it. And when we go through the storm, the blue sky emerges, because it was there all along.
And you? What triggered your awakening? Put it in the comment below!
P.S. I am super excited about the upcoming EFT professional workshop next month. I am in the meantime gathering feedback from people, who admit that they don’t want ‘just talking’, they want to see results, they want to see profound change, and that is what this is about. More updates to come!